A friend (recently departed... from post) commented on how in her job she sometimes felt like an impostor. When you're tasked with something without clear guidelines and you think you know what you're doing, but are told you don't. When you arrange something, but can't definitively explain to people how you want it to play out. When you think you've explained things properly but are peppered with questions because what's clear to you is as clear as mud to everyone else. When the program so carefully planned gets derailed right from the start by people far senior than you and all you can do it watch it crash and burn. And smile right through it.
Then cry right after.
Growing up is hard and honestly I'm not real great at it most days. There's really so little we have control over, isn't there, and the ability to bounce back from a bad decision or a poorly thought out plan is one of the milestones of being an adult.
For me, I'm taking a couple days off from work (annual leave... I saw this coming, give me a little credit), distancing myself from the hard feelings, spending some time with the kids as they're off from school for another long (5 day!) weekend, and regrouping. I have a job to do at the Embassy and if I'm going to make it another 18 months I have to be able to handle these mental setbacks far better than I did this week. And maybe I'll actually learn something from it too.
All is good here, I promise. By Sunday I'll be right as rain and hopefully feel a little less like an impostor.
Today we took on doughnuts. Doughnuts take an entire afternoon, what with the room temperature butter and the stint in the freezer, followed by time in the fridge, and the mixing and mess.
These doughnuts looked and tasted nothing like what they were supposed to. Called apple cider doughnuts, I found no apple cider and instead reduced some apple-kiwi juice, and nearly burned it too. Then... white sugar. I was sure we had some, but no. Brown sugar went in instead. And flour. We started well on the flour but when we didn't have enough I pulled out a box of what I thought was gluten-free flour. Only it was gluten-free pancake mix. Too late. The cinnamon sugar topping also was brown sugar based. This is why I don't bake. I'm never prepared and nothing ever turns out. But they were still edible, so I guess it was a win.
Becca's room is more a mess today than it was yesterday. Some artwork started going back up on the walls, and she changed her curtains. Finally. Rather than the heavy cotton curtains with the gold shear she now has more of a light foresty theme going. The faux headboard is actually 2 asymmetrical screens bought at IKEA, put together in the corner. The rug too is new from IKEA. The black light stand has been wandering around the house looking for a home and it's found one.
Tomorrow we're back at work but the kids are home the rest of the week. She has time to pull it all together before school starts back up on Sunday. Hopefully clean room photos tomorrow.