The summer of 23... 2023

As you've guessed, this summer was a time of transition, with lots of quick changes seemingly weekly.  It almost brought me back to spring 2020 when I started my job with the Remote Processing Unit in the Domestic Operations division of Visa Operations within Consular Affairs.  Inside we call that CA/VO/DO.  I had finished training and was just learning my job when the pandemic hit, but the pandemic led to global changes in visa adjudications.  For weeks, the changes came at us almost minute to minute, for the class of visa we adjudicated to the exceptions to the annotations.  We worked until we got new guidance, instituted the new guidance until something else replaced it which could literally come down 10 minutes later.  It was an infuriating few weeks and months.

After writing that I realize that this summer was nowhere near as hectic as March-May 2020.  It was a different sort of limbo.  For one, I was alone and the other it was purely work related.  This time Ian and I just did the limbo together, and thankfully we didn't have the kids stuck in the middle with schools and schedules.  

One thing we scheduled early in the year was a family trip to Virginia Beach.  We're all super-familiar with this beach, I've been going since before I knew Ian, but this time all the kids (minus one significant other) was over 21.  While we had a rental house a few blocks from the sand, the kids were old enough to go and do whatever they wanted - alone, with a small group, with everyone.  Some were caught in a rain storm, threw the football and frisbee around, walked on the boardwalk with Mokka, got snacks, got pedicures, and laid under the sun.  Everyone played board games, watched movies, and played Hopper Jeopardy (thanks Jonathon!!).  The only thing we asked each of the kids to do while there was make a meal one night during the week.  Along with two meetups with the grandparents, a meal at a boardwalk restaurant and a BBQ at their home about an hour away, the kids did an amazing job feeding the clan.  The person who struggled some with the week was Jonathon who a few weeks beforehand fell at the climbing gym and seriously injured his foot.  He was still limping which wasn't ideal for not having an oceanside house.  I'm really hoping it's not a permanent injury.

We traveled out to my parents' new home, the first time for all the kids to see it, and the first time my parents spent time with Taylor and Max.  Speaking as, well, me... I had a fantastic time.  I hope everyone else did too, but I know that the day is a core memory for me.  Kat, Becca, Nicholas, and Jonathon are all so very different from each other but they each have so much in them that I treasure and adore.  And there was so much to celebrate at this gathering.  2023 wasn't just any year.  Because we hadn't had the opportunity yet, we included Jonathon's August 2022 graduation from university and Katherine and Erich's December 2022 engagement, and then also celebrated Nicholas's completion of 4 years with the Marine Corps in January, Becca and Max's wedding in April, all the birthdays including Ian's 50th in July, and my parents' 50th Anniversary in August.  There's no reasonable cake big enough for that many good things.  I want to interject here a huge thank you to all the family and friends who sent photo and video congratulations to Ian for his birthday video and a huge extra thanks to Max for video editing it all together.  I think it actually surprised Ian and maybe made him a little at a loss for words.  If I'd known how to make it work I would have done a big party or trip for his big year, but it was special in its own way.

Love these weird and wonderful people.

A year in PA

While we were in PA for Ian's schooling, can we really ignore that we chose PA for the Hershey Bears?  The Bears are the farm team for the Washington Capitals.  Since the Capitals won the Stanley Cup in 2018 they've struggled.  Last year they didn't even make the playoffs and this year isn't looking too much better.

You can get a Master's through the State Department at a ton of different schools, but there's a special relationship with the military schools - the Army program in Carlisle, the Navy program in Rhode Island, the Space program in Alabama, several schools in DC, etc.  Obviously the DC programs are the most popular.  After all if you're already in DC, then there's no move required.  The last time we considered the Master's program our sights were set on Carlisle because of the Bears, and this time it didn't change.  Moving for a year is a hassle no matter what, but in return we had one of the best years of this Foreign Service career.  Ian made some fast friends, he did exceptionally well at school, we loved living in small town Carlisle (rent was 1/2 that of Arlington), and we had a year of watching 20+ Hershey Bears games all the way to the Calder Cup final (the Stanley Cup for the AHL) and a game seven overtime win for their 12th Calder Cup.  It was so nerve-wracking I couldn't watch and instead heard Ian's shouting from the living room.  The final was played in California and we didn't go to the Giant Center's 1a.m. watch party, which, well.. do we regret that?  Not really, kind of... maybe.

The Bears are on a tear again this year, so while we struggle watching the Caps lose over and over again, the Bears are the bright shining star of hockey.  As of this post, they've had two 9-game winning streaks are are leading the AHL league in pretty much everything, with players in the top five of every category from goal scorers to shutouts.  

Hershey isn't that far (~7 hours), and if it comes down to it, I'm thinking there's a trip involved when the Bears are in the playoffs.

*ROAR*

First Post as Empty-Nesters

Since Ian returned from Baghdad in the summer of 2020 we've been empty-nesters, but the feeling is definitely a little different now that we're "abroad."  The border is actually a thing!  While we lived in Northern VA and then in Carlisle, PA, if we wanted to see family it was just a decision to make and either a drive or a flight.  Last weekend we drove 90 minutes to Buffalo, NY and had to bring our passports.  What kind of nonsense is this?

It's particularly weird because Canada doesn't feel different than the U.S.  We live in a highrise in Toronto with a whopping 9-minute walk to the Consulate.  There are markets and shops, restaurants and entertainment on every corner.  We have to remind ourselves to drive the car periodically.  The view from our balcony is a sea of buildings, a reflection of the CN Tower (yeah, we're facing north), and at one particular angle we can see some of Lake Ontario.  Our apartment is delightful and small, perfect for two people.  The building has a car elevator to reach the parking levels.  It's only different for us in that we've never lived inside a big city. 

This isn't Haiti. Haiti would feel familiar to us as a post.  There are expected struggles.  There's a house ready and waiting, and a built-in community.  We'd both be working in familiar areas.  Canada doesn't feel different, but settling in definitely is.

When we packed out of Carlisle in June, we were limited in our shipments.  Haiti had created a carve-out for household goods shipped by air, because getting anything into the country by the port was proving nigh impossible.  So we had roughly two thousand pounds of must-haves packed up and the rest crated for the warehouse.  When Haiti went on ordered departure and we faced the same predicament as Baghdad, we made the hard choice to break our assignment and take a Now position in Canada.  Don't laugh - it was a hard decision, and we still ponder the what-ifs.

In June we packed for sunny climes, a provided and furnished home, and lots of time and space.  In August our Now position was to a wintry clime, an unfurnished apartment we'd have to find ourselves, and no job waiting for me.  Thank goodness we hadn't sold our car already as we'd planned since another change in Haiti meant we could no longer bring a vehicle (they all go through the port).  We had given our cat to my parents as he couldn't come to a country with no veterinary care.

September and October were all about changing our expectations.  After all, we'd already been outlining R&Rs (we don't get any from Canada)!  Instead, we flipped through our shipping manifest to see if we could find the winter clothes boxes on a list that just marked everything as clothes (apparently we didn't as it didn't come), and also hoped we picked the right cartons that included all the parts to put together our couch and beds (again a miss, the parts to put our bed together didn't make it).  We shopped for coats as we expected an October arrival in Canada might require them.  We reached out to a realtor to help us find a place to live.  We heard our whole family's sigh of relief that we weren't going to Haiti.

We moved into our apartment on 3 December, after three different temporary places and nearly six months of suitcase living.  In June we were so blessed to spend a week at Virginia Beach with all the kids and their significant others, as well as bringing us all together with my parents who moved down south in August 2022.  It was such a special week that I treasure.  But it was offset by our first ever holidays with not a single family member to share it with.  The 2023 holidays were just the two of us.  We're OK, probably better than OK as we're not in Haiti and causing everyone consternation, and our Christmas video chat with everyone was a balm for the heart.  This is our new normal, but I think for both of us we were reminded that we don't want it as our all-the-time normal.  We're already considering a road trip in the spring to see all the kids and my parents.

And you know, we may be empty-nested of offspring, but the cat can live in Canada so the cat is going to move to Canada.  Come on you grumpy furball, it's time for your next adventure.

Hi. Hey there. It's 2024.

Two plus years after the last post, and we're back?  I need to update our tagline, obviously.

Oh, and hello from Toronto, Canada.

Since last we chatted in November 2021, we moved to Carlisle, PA for a year while Ian earned a Master's degree, planned to PCS to Haiti, and ended up in Canada just as winter settled in.  That's the long and short of it for us.  

A quick recap of the kids - Jonathon finished his time at Essex University, moved in with Becca in Atlanta, and works as a software programmer for an international company.  Becca worked several projects until the strike in 2023, then got married and found part-time work until the industry opens up and starts hiring again.  Nicholas finished four years with the Marine Corps and lives in Ohio while he plans his next steps.  Katherine works at a hospital in Maryland and is engaged while she takes classes towards an LPN.

There's no way to fill in the two-year gap, but Toronto is a quiet place to live in the grand scheme so here's to bringing some new life to this blog.

Family Time (minus 1) - September in the NC hills

Back in the spring we had an idea to plan a family gathering. We knew it was going to be risky. Four adult offspring in different states with jobs and responsibilities can be hard to wrangle. We picked a time that J was still in country, before N headed out to California, that R would probably be between projects, and K could take time off.  It almost worked.

Unfortunately, the time right before N went to California ended up being the time he was in quarantine before travel.  Thankfully, we also decided to have him visit us in VA the weekend prior to his quarantine period, but the time in the mountains just would not pan out.  We tried, we really did. Because even though N is full-vaccinated and he might have been able to make a quick couple days with late night flights and hopes that no one would be looking for him while he was gone, it wasn't worth the risk to his military career.  Understandably so.  

Instead, we spent one of our evenings with N over facetime, propped up on a floor lamp facing the TV and group JackBox on the screen.  It wasn't perfect, but hopefully it broke up his quarantine boredom and it helped a fill the Marine shaped gap in our trip a tiny tiny bit. We had to accept that missing him was just going to be part of the trip.

The rest of the week was very loose.  Everyone arrived when they were able.  They brought significant others if they could. The house had plenty of rooms for everyone to have space to get away from the others. A movie room, a pool/game room, a firepit, a yard, a nearby trailhead, cubbies and hide-a-ways. Coffee was had on the deck in the morning, smores were had by the fire at night. Scrabble, Code Names, poker, Settlers of Catan were open to everyone and anyone could play or not.  The only thing I asked was that everyone participate in making meals.  Bec and Max made vegetarian tacos, K and Erich did vegetarian and meat lasagnas, Jonathon created fancy ramen bowls, Ian and I did omelets. And of course there was a night of leftovers.  

But really, the week was meant for everyone to just destress.  Nothing, even if there was some unintentional stress, was meant to be stressful.  Mornings were lazy. We planned only 2 days of something outside the house - one day to go to Boone and complete an escape room, and another to go to the Banner Elk metropolis for an easy brunch. A quick note on the escape room - we do not recommend it. The room was OK, but the owner/game master was of the mindset that only he was the clever one and any team that escaped was not to be commended for their success. He was so dismissive before we even entered the room because we paid for two consecutive times and he was doubtful that we mortals could win in groups of 3 and 4, rather than all going in as a group of 7.  Trust me when I say that the room was linear and there was not nearly enough for 4 people to do, much less 7.  Anyway, the owner was not amused, and his form of "pride" seemed to come from stumping people and beating them, and not from folks having fun and escaping. ANYWAY...

The house was amazing. The getting there was harrowing for someone with a fear of heights, speed, tight turns, narrow roads, and darkness rolled into one. But the being there was awesome.  Becca brought the Mokka, who got to bark at the woodchucks in the yard, the deer along the street, the echoes of other dogs barking, and then basically just lay in the sun outside for hours between pleading starvation. Some of us went for a short hike at the nearby trailhead. Most of the time was spent talking and playing games. There was a lot of pool. We just hung out, and hanging out with your grown "kids" is a lovely thing.  I don't care how different we all are - and boy are we different - they are each and every one fascinating and fun people.  They are fun to talk to.  

They also have vastly different paths and plans, their memories are different, they see their world through different past experiences, hurts, and joys. Having the time to talk to them one on one and in groups, and more than that, knowing they are talking to each other without a parent around, really touches me.  Our family is close in some ways and not close at all in other ways - and *newsflash* I'm and only child and I just Do Not Understand siblings. Siblings confuse me. I don't get how they are so different, nor do I understand how deep past hurts and misconceptions run and how those same things shape them.  I understand that those things DO shape them, but I don't understand WHY they run so deep and more than that, are so long-lasting. I haven't experienced it, so I can never truly understand how my children feel towards each other and how they have formed each other. 

I had a dog as a kid.

I'll add one more note that every time there are discussions with the childrens, I learn something.  Mixed in with their hopes and trials is usually something about how I've failed them. That's OK, I have, I own that. As a parent you can't not fail your kids. Some of those failures were biggies with long-lasting repercussions. They are mistakes I cannot fix. It's a reality, it hurts, and their disappointment, frustration, anger, and struggle, hurt too. I love my kids especially for being able to tell me when and where I've screwed up. Do I get defensive? Yeah, sometimes that's a knee-jerk response that pops out, but I'm trying really hard to take what they tell me and study it. I made mistakes and a lot of times I didn't notice, and you can't get better if you don't even know you did it, so I thank my kids for showing me where I went wrong in parenting them - because what I did I did out of some sense of it being the right thing and as they've taught me, often it hurt and I didn't even know. I can't go back, but when they tell me what's weighing on them we can all go forward.

My kids are awesome.  They are who they are, and I'm thankful they are my family.

TV

I will confess that we watch a lot of TV.  Pandemic, heat, everything can be delivered - even though things are opening up and our whole family is vaccinated, we're very aware that we live by a packed shopping mall (that we walk through to get to the metro) and take an ever busier metro system (where masks are required), work in offices with some folks who still aren't vaccinated, and COVID variants are coming stronger and faster than we're prepared for... so, staying home is still where it's at.  Ian has a new personal project, I have a couple books I'm working on as well as a few projects, Jonathon does his thing, and we all enjoy the view of the outdoors from the comfort of home - I guess it's a lot like reverse winter, huh. Oh right, and we had a cicada season that no one really wanted to be out and about it.  They are quite the fliers, it surprised me that we had them on our balcony 11 floors up.  But now they are gone. Seeya BroodX in another 17 years.

So, TV.

I tried "The Sopranos," I really did, because Ian though I'd like it if I gave it a few episodes.  I gave it a whole season and after just about every episode I reiterated just how much I didn't care about a single character. I watched, I asked questions, but I just. didn't. care. Sorry, Tony. I'm pretty sure I'll never watching "Breaking Bad" for the same reason.

On the other hand, he encouraged me to watch "Deadwood" and I'm hooked.  What a great show to sink into with its scene setting, acting, and stories. The characters are wonderful and several are based on real folks which makes it that much more intriguing.

Jonathon suggested we try "Twin Peaks."  Neither Ian nor I watched it when it was first on in 1990, and... wow, it's weird. Just plain weird.  From the bird in the intro (a varied thrush, we looked it up) to the limited and odd music themes, to the odd cadences of speech, it's just all weird. Thankfully we've finished the first 8 episode season and have now plowed into the second 22 episode season. That's it though, so the weirdness won't last too long.

We've restarted the new "Battlestar Galactica" - always great.  It still holds for acting, storyline and effects.

And our weekly fun, "Loki," now that we've seen "WandaVision" and "Falcon and Winter Soldier."

Which brings me to the MCU... we've tasked ourselves with watching the MCU movies in timeline order from Captain Marvel to Spiderman Far From Home. One movie on Saturdays and one on Sundays, so.... a lot of weeks, and it was a lot of fun.

There you go. Pretty much caught up. 

Stay inside, wear a mask, be safe.

We bought a house in May

It's not a stunner, but as we told Rebecca (who we co-bought the house with since she'll be living in while in Georgia), the outside is a blank slate for upgrades.

I'd put a photo up, but folks can reverse search images so I'd rather not post the address for those who do such things :)