Tuesday, October 8, 2019

The other half

Ian is my partner (shocker, I know): life partner - parent partner - exchange-of-ideas partner - laugh-at-stupid-things partner - sit-and-watch-TV partner - move-around-the-world partner - adventure partner.

Every time a memory pops up on my FB timeline, I just sigh and smile. 90% of those photos have him in them (the other are the kids, or probably the cats). I miss traveling with him - checking out new foods, sights, and just walking together wherever we feel like. But most of all I miss talking with him.  A 7hr time difference plus a 6-day workweek for him means that we talk when we can, but of course it's not the same. It never is.

It's one of the reasons I took up MPC.  And go to Jazzercise with my mom (don't laugh, it's actually fun - never tell anyone I said that).  And why I'm blogging a bit more.  And reading a ton more.  And made a blanket and now making another, while contemplating how to crochet a vest, and did 4 cross-stitch things for the kids.

Living week to week means I've focused on small, reachable goals. I did apply for a job early on only to make it to last round and tell them I just didn't know how long I would be here, The job went to someone else.  Fairly so, I might add.  I wouldn't hire me.  I've thought about taking an online class and of course now realize I should have started in July.  I just didn't know, and was too unsure to commit myself while thinking that at any moment I'd be moving and starting a new 6day/week job half-way around the world.  Obviously that didn't happen.  I should have just jumped right in.  I didn't. My own fault.

It's just not enough to say that I miss him. I'm needing just being with him. Part of me is missing, people! And I'm totally not embarrassed to say it.  I didn't marry him to be away from him, after all. This isn't "I need space" or "Some quiet time is good."  Both of those are valid, but this ain't it.

102 days done, 27 days to go to R&R#1.

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