Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Impostor Syndrome

A friend (recently departed... from post) commented on how in her job she sometimes felt like an impostor.  When you're tasked with something without clear guidelines and you think you know what you're doing, but are told you don't.  When you arrange something, but can't definitively explain to people how you want it to play out.  When you think you've explained things properly but are peppered with questions because what's clear to you is as clear as mud to everyone else. When the program so carefully planned gets derailed right from the start by people far senior than you and all you can do it watch it crash and burn.  And smile right through it.

Then cry right after.

Growing up is hard and honestly I'm not real great at it most days.  There's really so little we have control over, isn't there, and the ability to bounce back from a bad decision or a poorly thought out plan is one of the milestones of being an adult.

For me, I'm taking a couple days off from work (annual leave... I saw this coming, give me a little credit), distancing myself from the hard feelings, spending some time with the kids as they're off from school for another long (5 day!) weekend, and regrouping.  I have a job to do at the Embassy and if I'm going to make it another 18 months I have to be able to handle these mental setbacks far better than I did this week.  And maybe I'll actually learn something from it too.

All is good here, I promise.  By Sunday I'll be right as rain and hopefully feel a little less like an impostor.

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