It's no secret that Jonathon has a temper. He's also got a sarcastic streak a mile wide. Combining the two often leads to, let's say, not-so-pleasant exchanges between the brothers.
The real trouble rises when the temper shows up outside of home.
Yesterday at school, Jonathon got into an altercation with a student in his class. He's had a tough year with school, his temper and attitude don't help when kids bully him on the playground. I'm not so sure he's not a bully-problem himself sometimes. I've seen him at home, I can see it transferring to school.
Honestly, there are lots of things I could say that would sound like reasoning away his behavior, but none of that matters. It remains solely his own issue as to how he carries himself when a) things don't go his way, b) things are truly unfair, or c) kids treat him poorly.
So with that, he got into a fight yesterday at school. It was a shoving match he didn't start and he was on the losing end by the finish, ending up on the ground.
And he's serving after school detention today.
When he got home yesterday he was miserable. I'm not sure the detention is a proper punishment for this altercation (he's much more receptive to service related discipline), but I don't care much about it either. It's less a school issue than it is a Jonathon issue, and that's where I'm stuck.
Jonathon is getting straight As in school. He's been earning grade rewards and was looking forward to a grand end-of-year reward. But now he's serving detention for poor behavior.
My question: should the one affect the other?
Sounds like our son and Jonathan would either get along really well or ...really NOT. :) Brian prefers things to work the way he wants them to, and he has a strong sense of right and wrong. It used to be difficult for him to deal with, and still is sometimes, people who are not fair, act badly, or simply do not do what he thinks they should (reasonably or not). On the one hand... it's good that he cares, he does, but we've had to constantly remind him that, first and foremost, he is responsible for himself and cannot change others. He's needed to work on learning to be a part of the team - which means he can't control what everybody else does like he controls himself. He can set an example and make suggestions and help a little, but, if someone is determined to be obnoxious, unfair or stupid, the best thing to do is let them do it by themselves. I think we've managed to convince him that getting angry is fine and natural - BUT - how he acts when angry and what he says in anger is still going to get him, nobody else, in trouble if it's inappropriate. I hate to tell him what seems to equate to just 'care about himself' (and his sister :) !) but we also have to accept that the teachers are there too, and we believe in them; they can sort out issues others get into. He's handling these problems much much better than he did several years ago. Good luck to Jonathan, and congrats on the great grades!
ReplyDeleteThat is all -exactly- what we're dealing with.
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